Science Experiment: Effects Of Caffeine On Aster
by Coco Gash Jirachi
Summary: RANDOM CRACKFIC! The Science Fair is a few days away, Bastion and Jaden are trying to find a project. Then, a certain Pro-duelist crosses Jaden's mind, and his idea is crazy enough to work... Mentions of BastionxJaden, HassleberryxJesse, and yaoi smex...


**Science Experiment: The Effects Of Caffeine On Aster Phoenix**

**By Coco Gash Jirachi**

**Disclaimer: I don't own G/X or the Homestar Runner cartoon this is based upon.**

**Summary: Random Crackfic. The Science Fair is a few days away, Bastion and Jaden are trying to find a project. Then, a certain Pro-duelist crosses Jaden's mind, and his idea is crazy enough to work... Mentions of BastionxJaden, HassleberryxJesse, and yaoi.**

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"What about the effects of gasoline... on fire?" Jaden asked.

"I think not... we'd blow up the entire island and everyone would die." Bastion said.

"How about... I.Q. differences?" Jaden asked.

"I don't know how we'd be able to pull that off in less than four days..." Bastion said.

"Then how about... a paper-mashay volcano?" Jaden asked.

"Too cliched, and the last time I made one, every dog on my street was furless." Bastion said.

"... Okay... I am not even gonna ask..." Jaden responded.

"We're going to have to think of something... and it has to be better than Jesse and Tyranno trying to prove that sex could be the newest element for the periodic table of the elements- with work included." Bastion said.

"Their work must be better than reading books all day..." Jaden mumbled.

"What was that?" Bastion asked.

"Nothing... just hungry..." Jaden answered.

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"- I think I got an idea!" Jaden said, picking his head up from his bowl, rice stuck to his face. "Aster's back on the island, right?"

"Right." Bastion answered.

"And he said that he's never drank non de-cafe coffee before, right?"

"Right..."

"So... do you think there's a reason behind it?" Jaden asked.

"Possibly because the effects of caffeine cause him, like many other people, to become jittery." Bastion responded.

"So, I figure we just drop a couple of spoonfuls of coffee powder into Aster's orange juice, and then collect the data!" Jaden said.

"We could get first place by studying the human effects on caffeine! Jaden, you astound me!" Bastion said.

"... I sound you?" Jaden asked.

"You amaze me..." Bastion said.

"Oh, okay."

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"So Aster, tell us, how do you feel?" Bastion asked the next morning, a notebook and pen in his hands. And Jaden held a video camera in his hands, ready to video tape it all, and had a digital camera in his jacket pocket for taking pictures as well.

_**"I feel great! I feel great! I feel great!- I feel bad!- I don't even watch football! I don't even watch football! I can't remember my legs!"**_ Aster said, his eyes bulging, and widening and shrinking at a fast pace, and his hair was a mess.

Just then, Zane was walking by.

_**"Hey Zane!"**_ Aster shouted, running around in circles around Zane as he walked, his arms spread like he was a bird. **_"Listen up! Hey- whahaahgksHJja! What did I just say?! What did I just say?! Did I say anything?! What about this: WHOO HE GO BLAHG! Did that mean anything?!"_ **

Zane merely pushed Aster over, staring ahead, ignoring him as he started to flop around like a fish.

"Uh... are you guys playing charades?" Alexis asked.

Aster shot up onto his feet in less than a second.

_**"Alexis, Alexis, what do you wanna make?! Do you wanna make some wood damage with me?! I got pine cones, I got peanut butter, I got everything we need!- I said pine cones, pine cones!- Gonna be successful! Gonna be phenomenally successful! I went to the corner store and Alexis you- wood damage, wood damage like a train! And taken off like a new century!" **_

"Okay, I'm gonna leave now..." Alexis said, walking away.

_**"I WANNA CLIMB A TREE!"**_ Aster shouted, running around flapping his arms, then he ran for a tree, and scurried up it, and hung from it by his knees.

"Aster, I'm sensing a disturbance in your aura. Is something the matter?" Satorious asked, approaching the other teenager, whom was flapping his arms like a bird.

_**"You're dumb! You're dumb! You're dumb because everything's made of matter! Your hamster ran away because you're dumb!"**_ Aster shrieked.

"... Aster, is it clear to you that I was never the owner of a hamster?" Satorious asked.

_**"One time you went to McDonalds to get some French fries and some ketchup packets and you sat down to eat them but you couldn't get them open so you went to the store to buy some scissors but you didn't have any money so you started running to your friends house to borrow some money so you could buy some scissors to open your ketchup packets and enjoy your French fries more fully but when you got to his front door a piano fell on your head... Because you're dumb!"**_ Aster said **_very_** quickly.

"Aster, maybe you should get down, I think the blood is rushing to your head..." Satorious suggested.

_**"No!"**_ Aster said very childishly.

"I really think you should..."

_**"No no! You're a parrakeet!"**_ Aster said.

"... Did you just call me a parrakeet?..." Satorious asked.

Then, Aster lost his balance, but still managed to land on his feet when he fell from the tree.

_**"Hey Satorious! Hey Satorious! Hey Satorious!"**_ Aster started yelling, slapping Satorious across the face with the crazed look in his eyes increasing rapidly. _**"Hey hey hey, do you wanna play some soccer?! You wanna make a salad?! I got whatever we need!" **_

"Aster, this behavior has to stop!"

_**"So you wanna make a salad?! Pasta salad?! Potato salad?! Fruit salad?! Fruit salad?! Fruit salad?! Fruit salad?! Fruit salad?!" **_

Just then, Aster's eyes began to dull down slowly and he ceased slapping the other, and was now tugging on his own tie.

_"Fruit salad... Fruit salad... Fruit salad... Fruit salad... Fruit salad... Fruit salad... Fruit salad... Fruit salad... Salad... Salad... Salad as a rock..."_ Aster shook his head, and his eyes were normal again. "Satorious, what are we doing here?"

"I believe you said I was a parrakeet..." Satorious responded.

_"Feeling whoozy..."_ Aster said, swaying around, then falling over onto his back, unconscious, snoring.

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"After confronting Zane, subject started acting way creepier than normal. Even for Aster." Bastion said, using a ruler to point to the picture taken of Aster circling Zane.

"Note the messiness of the hair, and the screwiness of the eyes." Jaden said.

"Subject's condition continued to deteriorate, and as Alexis approached, he began making up arts and crafts activities, like wood davers, as if taking an artistic attempt at impressing a female, although it's clear he's as straight as the number 4." Bastion said.

"And in the final stages, subject became erratic, violent, and also really funny to watch." Jaden said as Bastion pointed to pictures of Aster running around, him climbing the tree, him hanging from the tree, him falling from the tree, and him slapping Satorious on the face.

"Within half of a minute, subject was brought to this state." Bastion said, pointing to the picture of Aster unconscious, snoring like no tomorrow. "At this point, the test subject's caffeine wore off, and he was brought into an unconscious state- thus concluding, that caffeine's effect on humans lasts only a bit, and then makes you worse than before you drank it."

"And all of this data could only bring us to one conclusion..." Jaden began. "Aster's an uptight child and that's why he was effected this way."

_**"I AM NOT UPTIGHT!" **_

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**_THEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

God, boredom sucks... I got _**SO**_ bored, I based a crackfic off of Homestar Runner... this makes nearly no sense at all...

Just review...


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